I am so sick of “well meaning”people making comments about my Asian American daughter. I am not talking about the obvious racial slurs (like “chink”, “slant eyes” or “Commie”–she was adopted from the former Soviet Republic of Kazakhstan and her first language was Russian. Never mind that ethnic Kazakhs share a mixed Turkish-Mongolian ancestry, and my daughter comes from a primarily Turkish Ru (“tribe” to you non-PC worldly types).
When my daughter was 4 or 5, an unnamed “idiot” at my company picnic, who thankfully was fired as a poor performer soon after my chance meeting with him, began to tell me and a very uncomfortable group of coworkers held captive with by the “idiot” were spared no detail in hearing the “idiot” describe in graphic detail how he and his wife were unable to have their own “real” child (reaffirming my faith that genetics would see that the “idiot”‘s DNA would not be carried forward). With my adopted Asian American daughter sitting on my lap, I told him I didn’t understand his reference other than that it was a phrase used in Pinocchio and that I was very grateful MY DAUGHTER WAS REAL. Incapable of understanding my less-than-subtle-way to ask him to shut up, he asked scarcely before I finished, nodding down at my daughter, “How much did she cost?” After hearing about his financial woes for the first ten minutes of our pontoon ride, I told him based on his dire financial condition, he should contact me in 10-20 years if he was asking what I thought he was asking. Since my daughter and I conversed frequently in Russian, her first language, during the boat ride, I was, but should not have been when he asked me if she could speak Chinese when she was adopted at 18 months of age. At this point, I suggested that he save his questions for later, during a more appropriate tone (or, on reflection, I may have told him I was going to kick hiss ass if he opened his mouth again before we docked).
In any event, my daughter receives all the microaggression questions which are obviously racist, but cleverly concealed (or perceived as such by the questioner) on a daily basis and I certainly receive my share also–even from “friends” whom I am keenly aware no better.
Below is a link to a vey good Psychology Today article on microagression racism, its frequency and harm to the victims.